well me and R decorated the house and put up the tree on the first of december. the biker was off somewhere in the house with a hammer as per usual lol. that was the start of the christmas season for us. it wasnt untill the next week i received my vouchers so i could go shopping for presents. unlike every other year before we could actually afford decent presents for everybody. made me feel so much better.
even with the house decorated and the presents wrapped and ready i couldn't get into the christmas mood.
there was the usual argument about whether the inlaws were actually going to show up and see there grandson and who was going where at what time. i hate that part of the holidays i really do.
finaly it was decided that the inlaws were coming round in the morning ans staying for a couple of hours. then we had to time it so that didnt clash with my mom coming round or with the father in law coming round. that wasnt fun either but we got it sorted so there was no arguments.
coming up to christmas day and we were so much more prepared than usual. all the presents, food and other bits and peices were brought and sorted. we were really proud of ourselves. finally we felt we were doing things properly, acting more grown up.
but still i couldnt get into the christmas mood. i was happy but it just didnt feel like christmas
the day itself went really well. although R didnt seem to care about any of his presents. he acted like a spoiled brat if im honest. he had so many presents and i dont think he deserved most of them. he is still acting like a brat now too. all the sdults behaved except of course the step father in law but i wsnt expecting anything less from him. dinner was cooked by me and was really nice if i do say so myself.
all in all it was a really good day and yet, i still couldnt get into the mood of it all. it just didnt feel like christmas.
i have a few theories though. and when i say a few i mean 2 lol.
1) i feel like this because of the memory of the loss 3 years ago of baby Jack and i will never be able to enjoy christmas ever again
2) this lack of feeling is due to my anti depressants being doubled in dose last month and its affecting my moods more than it should
im really hoping its number 2 because i dont want every christmas to be absolutely shite as both the biker and R will pick up on it.
i hope everbody else had a good christmas
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