Thursday 23 February 2012

The one where mom offers me her womb

yes you read right.
because im starting down the road of infertility tests i was a bit reluctant to talk to anyone because i thought it would make them uncomfortable.
well the other day my mom brooched the subject and we had a really nice long talk about it all. we talked about if it comes out as unexplained fertitliy. we discussed IVF and all thet could entail.
and then we talked about what would happen if i was told i couldnt carry another child, if there was something wrong with my oven. she told me that if it came down to it she would carry our child (mine and the bikers)
i thought it was an incredibly sweet and unselfish thing to offer. to give up 9 months of your life just to make me and the biker happy.
i had a little cry about it when i got home. i couldnt beleive that anyone could be so nice
of course though i dont think i could ever take her up on her offer. even if we needed that. i dont think she would be allowed to carry a child for us. she is 50 tgis year and the risks of downs etc are just too great.
and of course the biker thinks its just creepy which is completely unfair.
im completely blown away by the generosity of this offer.
what do you all think?
i could really use some input on this.

multi coloured heart cakes

For our pre valentines day one of the things i made were multi coloured cake hearts.                                                                                                         all i did was make up a normal batch of victoria sponge cake mix then split it into 4 different bowls.                                                                                    i then added food colours to each bowl. as you can see i chose green, yellow, red and black (they were the only ones i had lol)                                            i mixed them in really well. then i put a dollop of each colour into each cake tin.                                                                                                          bake like usual and then take them out of the tins and let them cool.         when they are cool enough, take a cookie cutter (i used a heart shaped one) and cut out your shapes. its up to you what you do with the extra cake but me and R and the biker took great delight in eating it all up                             
.and there you have it. i hope you enjoyed reading :D

Saturday 18 February 2012

some days are bad days

and today is one of them
right at this moment i hate the biker. with a passion.
why does he feel the need to pick arguments and make me feel and look stupid in front of other people. why must he be so damn nasty to me sometimes.
im treally sick of being made to feel like this.
we had this problem before and it nearly destroyed our marriage.
i will not let that happen again.
i cannot talk to him right now because his dad and brother are here but when they leave i think im just going to let rip.
he cannot continue to make me feel this bad. its not healthy for my state of mind.
this will not keep happening. i wont let it

Tuesday 14 February 2012

Happy Heart Day

Just a quick post today to say happy heart day to all my readers.
Whether you have someone, someones or noone have a good day and get spoiled or spoil yourself.
Either way have a great day

Monday 13 February 2012

Dream Baby Dream

this morning i didnt want to wake up. the dream i was having was so vivid and so real i didnt want to let it go.
i dreamed i had a baby girl and my family was complete. it was so real.
the whole pregnancy, the birth and holding my precious angel. my family was whole and i told everyone i met how special my family was.
i have some baby clothes a friend gave me as she knew i would have another baby and in the dream i was putting these clothes on her tiny little body.
she was so beautiful. a perfect combination of me and the biker.
i never wanted to wake up.
when i did wake up the first thing i saw was R smiling at me and i knew no matter how this journey ends i already have a perfect child.

Wednesday 8 February 2012

something for the hubby

ive been going through blogs and looking on pinterest for some date ideas for me and the biker. we have kind of gotten into a slump lately.........ok for a couple of years. we dont really do anything together other than watch tv or dvds together. i can count the number of times we have been out in the last 2 years on one hand. 
its a bit upsetting really when you put it down like that.
so, like i was saying i looked and looked for some ideas and i found.....a lot. a few of them just arent practical for us to do (searching garage sales) stuuf like that doesnt happen in england. 
i got the idea to compile a list and post it on here for anyone who is interested.


so here we 



  • Make homemade pizzas together. You can get the dry mix from asda and just follow the instructions and add your own toppings
  • Have a pick nick. If the weather is uncooperative put a blanket on the living room floor
  • Go and see a play. There are usually lots of places to chose from
  • Go to the park. Pretend you are children and swing on the swings and feed the ducks
  • Check out a museum. They are usually cheap or even free to get in.
  • Treasure hunting. Each take £10-£20 out with you and have a look round some car boot sales. See what treasures you can find
  • Go for a swim. Its really relaxing in the pool or the Jacuzzi
  • Have a living room campout. Make a tent out of sheets and watch a film and sleep on an air mattress
  • Go to a local fair. Spend time going on all the rides and eating junk food
  • Visit the zoo. Find out if there is a zoo nearby. If there isn’t then go and find some local wildlife
  • Take a drive. Just getting out and taking a drive can be really relaxing. You never know where you could end up
  • Have a movie marathon. Buy a series of films and watch them all in one night
  • Go bowling. Have a little healthy competition
  • TV show marathon. Get an entire series worth of DVDs of your favourite shows or rent them and watch them all in one night
  • Try a new restaurant. Try somewhere new instead of the same old place all the time
  • Make breakfast together and eat it in bed. When the kid/s are still in bed or at a sleepover
  • Exercise together. Take a class at the gym or go jogging or even just work out at home
  • Visit a bakery. Go to a local bakery and pick a treat each
  • Go to the arcade. Get some change and head to your nearest arcade. See if you can win any prizes
  • Go ice skating. Whether you’re a pro or really clumsy ice skating is always fun

enjoy yourselves on your dates :)

Monday 6 February 2012

going eco and crafty

so ive spent most of the past couple of weeks planning and making things and ive loved it :D


to start with i made eco friendly fabric conditioner and washing powder. for the fabric conditioner you need equal parts water, white vinegar and bicarb of soda. mix everything up and use 1/8 of a cup in each load of washing.
for the washing powder you need 1 bar of soap (no scent or colour), 1 cup of bicarb of soda and 1 cup of washing soda crystals. grate the soap and mix with the other ingrediants. you only need 1 tablespoon in each load. i know it doesnt sound alot but it does work. i put the fabric conditioner in an old f c container i had lying around and the washing powder in a glass jar i brought for it. ive used blue bar of soap but this is becase i accidentally brought it. next time ill use a colorless bar


i also made a cork board and chalk board. with 2 baking trays. i painted one of them with chalkboard paint and glued the other with wine corks. i then glued buttons around the edges. i think they turned out pretty well. i like them anyway and  so does the biker.

on sunday i was asked by the biker to make cinamon rolls, there are only 2 places in England you can get the ones made famous in america and we have tried these and fell in love with them. i found many recipes on pinterest and decided on one that looked......homely? i cant really explain why i chose this one. well i tried it out and wow the sheer amount it made was amazing. i had to cut the dough in half and freeze half. the recicpie said not to skimp on the brown sugar and cinnamon so i didnt. OMG they were absolutely beautiful. so mouth watering. the biker said they were really nice and i can tell when he means it. http://pinterest.com/pin/157837161910331888/


i had a thought the other night when i was on my own before the biker changed back to working days. i wanted to make butterbeer. like in harry potter. pinterest to the rescue hehe. i looked for recipies and there were a few. i didnt like the look of most of them though an i was just about to give up when i found it. and oh wow does it taste so nice. very sweet but for those, like me, who have a sweet tooth its perfect.
all you need is 2 tbsp of brown sugar, 2 tbsp of butter, 1 mug of milk, 1 tsp vannilla extract and a pinch of cinnamon. heat the sugar and butter together and then add the milk. heat for a little while then add the vanilla and cinnamon. mix together until it boils and there you have it. beautiful
http://pinterest.com/pin/157837161910276031/

the bikers hand are always dry and with the cold weather they have been cracking and bleeding. so i decided to make him some moisturising cream. i mixed together 200ml of vasaline, 200ml of e45 cream and 300ml of baby lotion. i used an electric whisk to mix them together. and thats it. it really works although the biker keeps forgetting to actually use it. i think he has used it twice. i use it though (it makes alot) and i gave some to my sister and mom and they tell me it really works for them. ive been using it on Rs feet as well as they get really dry and flakey. since using it though they have been as soft as a babys bottom. http://pinterest.com/pin/157837161910180851/

and thats what ive been up to for the past few weeks. idont know if anybody is reading this but of you are then i hope there is something in this post you can take away with you, something that can be usefull

Sunday 5 February 2012

family dysfunction

well a lot has happened since i last posted but i need to get this off my chest before i start sorting photos out for my main post.
it was step FILs birthday on friday and him MIL, SIL AND BIL took R out to bowling and me and the biker were going to meet them after the biker got back from work. we sorted the present and the card and walked up. as soon as we got there i got asked to look for MIL and SIL in the toilets. i found them and it was apparente that SIL was very, very drunk. as it turned out MIL was the only one there who wasnt absolutely pissed.
im so angry. after we got there i was the only one looking out for R and his 3 year old cousin. both kept trying to run off and i was the only one making sure they didnt. what the hell were they doing before we got there? who was looking after the kids?
i have always said i didnt want R around people who are drinking. i remember being scared out of my mind surrounded by drunks when i was a child. i never ever wanted that for R but now its happened. i dont know if he was scared as he wouldnt tell me but i know he noticed the actions of those who were drunk. i wanted to cry the entire time we were there and of course that caused a row with the biker. he doesnt understand why i cant have things like that happen. he had such a good childhood compared to mine. i dont want to use my past as an excuse for anything but it always creeps up on me.
all the biker could see was me in a mood around his family. no matter what i say he wont ever get it.
i hate that R has had this experience at the age of just 4. i had hoped he would never have to