Sunday 1 July 2012

one hell of a screw up

yep thats me. a huge fuck up. 
my husband has left me and its all my fault. 
3 years ago i started to feel neglected and so lonely. i started talking to a friend of my husbands on facebook. to cut a long story short, i ended up sleeping with him. just once. it was the worst experiance of my life. and the worst mistake. i never did anything like that again. and i kept what i did hidden from everyone. 
and then earlyer this year i started feeling worse than i did 3 years ago. things were so bad between me and the biker. i felt so alone. i needed just a little bit of attention. 
so i started up another twitter account and started talking to all sorts of men. and after a while they started asking for pictures, and i said yes. i started putting up pictures of myself. and i started getting pictures back too.
no matter how hard you hide things, they have a way of getting out. 
he found out. he found out everything
he stayed for a while. everything seemed to be getting better. until one day he says we need to take a break and he leaves. 
i kept trying to make things better. i kept trying to make things right. but it wasnt enough. nothing will ever be enough.
so im raising my boy alone now. nursing my broken heart and hoping, hoping with everything i have that he will come back. that he can eventually forgive me and learn to trust me again.
ive lost everything and its all my fault. i deserve everything that comes my way but he doesnt. i hope his heart can mend
i really want him back. im not sure if i can cope without him. everytime i see him i want to hold him and not being able to is killing me.
most people will choose to hate me and i understand because i hate myself

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