days of our lives

or rather my life
I've been pretty busy for the past few days and so have been neglecting my blogs (all 3 of them) but now I'm ready to catch up again

so the father in law has been told he needs to find somewhere else to live. his landlord is going through a messy divorce atm and the house that FIL lives in is in his wife's name. and she wants him out. so of course the biker offered him to stay at our house with the 2 kids until he finds somewhere if he hasn't by the time he has to leave. he still hasn't told me that he has offered. i only know because i went through his phone. i know i know i shouldn't have but its what i do. and it doesn't look like he is going to tell me either as i just asked him about it.

i feel like a pretty bad mom atm too. Monday and Tuesday R didn't go to school because i didn't get out of bed on time <<< ways to feel like a failure. as if i don't have a issue about failing already. the biker didn't help either. he has a tendency to talk to me and scold me like a child. he will stop doing that though.
i watched one born every minute the other night and had my first infertility tears of 2012. which was followed by my first infertility nightmare of 2012. i was in a room full of pregnancy test and they were all BFN :(

i cooked dinner for me, the biker, R, FIL, SIL & BIL on Sunday. it was really nice too and i cooked it all with my new cooker hehe. i do love my new gas cooker. i did manage to burn myself though. the handles get hot on the pans with this cooker whereas they didnt on the last cooker. i just picked up a pan full of peas and dropped it on the floor. we didnt have peas with our dinner and ive got a pretty nasty burn on my thumb.

every time i hear music from when i was younger or similar music it just puts me in such a good mood. i cant really explain it. it just brings back the memory of the feelings from back then. i was so happy. i had just found the biker and we were in that period of a relationship where you make everyone around you uncomfortable. when you have to touch each other all the time and kiss as ofter as possible. i wish it could be like that all the time. why does it have to fade? I'm sat here listening to music now and I'm just so happy i could burst.

although that will be gone shortly as we have to go to the mother in laws house and drop off her birthday present. someone hand me a drink please. alcoholic drink preferably

Busy Busy Bee

Today has been a really busy day. there was the usual  school run and afterwards i had to go and get fruit and veg (which by the way was really heavy) after dropping them of at home i went to get some bits from the craft store (also heavy bags) and then i dropped them off at home.
i had so much to do in the house as well it was unreal. and then i had to go and get some money out and then go and pay for Rs school trip on thursday. and after picking him up i had to take R swimming and then walk home with a tired 4 year old.
it doesnt look alot but when you have to pack it all into one day it makes for one very very tired mommy.
yet again om all by myself at home with R in bed and the biker at work. im really quite bored to be honest. im too achy for any exercise. all there is to do is faf about on the laptop and watch tele. at the same time. multitasking at its best i would say hehe.

DIY house cleaners

ive been looking these up for the past week now and i actually tried one of them today. most home made cleaners are made from bicarbonate of soda, vinegar and lemon juice. different combinations of just these three can clean anything.
ive made fabreze as i mentioned in a previos post and now ive made fabric conitioner.

equal parts bicarb, vinegar and water and there you have it. and it rea#lly works too.

 and then i decided to see whether the microwave cleaner would work. basically put 1/2 a cup of vinegar and 2 cups water into a microwavable bowl and microwave on high for 3~4 minutes. the crap should then just wipe off. unless there is absolutely loads on it.......like mine....... ive decided im buying a new microwave. it did work really well on the bits that weren't as bad.  i would recommend it if you clean your microwave on a regular basis but if you dont (like me oops) then i would suggest.........erm.......buy a new one? and clean it more often which is what im going to do when i get my new one. if the biker lets me that is.

im going to attempt some more DIY cleaners in the next couple of weeks and ill blog about them all.
watch this space :D


**can i just say that most of the pictures i put up are ones ive found off the net and not my own. i will put my own up when i can but sometimes i cant so i get them from google images**

lazy days

i love lazy days. just sitting around in your PJs all day snuggled up with a blanket on the settee watching tele. after a week of rushing round here and there with school runs and housework its nice to just relax on the weekend. i love to read and thats what i do on these days. that or spend the day on the laptop like today hehe. 

the biker on the other hands spends the weekend messing and building things. he cant sit still for a second . and R is just like him. so i leave them to do whatever they want to do and i just laze away. 

i try anyway. sometimes you cant help having to do something. like today. i went with my sister into town to book her tattoo. she is 18 in a couple of weeks and its a birthday present from me and my mom. 

does anybody else have their lazy days?

such a better mood

today im so much better than i was yesterday. and ive got stuff done today too.
first off i cooked our dinner......in the morning hehe. i put a leg of lamb in the slow cooker with some veg and a little water and let it cook all day. it was lovely. even R like it and the biker took some to work with him. the lamb just fell of the bone. mixed in with the veg and the juices mmmmmmm

after dropping R off at school i put up some canvasses that i got for xmas off my sister. i usually end up forgetting untill the xmas after lol but i decided to get it done. im not usually a pink person but i really like these

and then i made my own fabreez :) i found how to on pinterest. all you need is 1/8th cup of fabric conditioner, 2 tablespoons of bicarb of soda/ baking soda and hot water from the tap to fill the bottle.
and there you have it. i have to say i think its better than the real stuff. it smells so nice

i also tidied under the stairs which has been a huge mess since we moved in.

and thats my day so far. ive found that getting up and actually doing stuff rather than sitting on your bottom watching tele makes you feel better. getting into the mindset of doing something stops you thinking of the bad things
i have had some bad moments today though. one of the moms at Rs school brought her newborn with her today and i didnt even know she was pregnant and it was a shock. i quickly recovered though. ive been really trying to keep my mind of it after how upset i got myself yesterday

in an IF funk

i keep going from happy to sad and i bloody hate it.
like at the moment im quite sad because the biker is working untill 2am, i didnt get much sleep last night as i had my neice sleep the night (and she does not sleep through yet) i forgot to eat properly and now im watching babies being born on the tele because i seem to hate myself. im so low at the moment and i hate it. also AF is in full flow with clots and its stupidly heavy. im in such a bad bloody mood
but earlyer i was in a really good mood. i was playing with my neice, having a laugh with my mom and i spent most of the afternoon with the biker. i was in such a lovely mood all day. and now its just nosedived
im watching how much pain these women are having there babies and i just wish i was there. i wish it was me in pain. all that pain would be worth it. im in quite an IF funk now.
i dont know why i put myself through this program i really dont. i just want to eat a huge bar of chocolate and cry my eyes out :(
why cant i just have my baby to hold in my arms? why cant it be me?
im going to try and snap myself out of it now and maybee eat something healthy..........maybee not hehe

the thing i love the mostest

BOOKS
i absolutely love to read. mostly horror or fantasy or crime.....yeah thats about it really. im currently reading a book by Laurell K Hamilton called Bloody Bones. its in the Anita Blake series. the whole series is about an animater (someone who can raise zombies from the dead) called Anita. the vampires are our of the coffin and the world knows that supernaturals exist. she has been made an official vampire executioner.
i love books like this i really do. it takes me away from real life. i can really just emerge myself and forget about the world.
one of my favorite authers is James Herbert. he is a horror writer and his books are just amaxing. One of the best ones is "The Rats" in which giant rats take over the city of London and have a craving for human flesh. there are no holes bared in this book as he describes the death of a small child and her dog trying to protect her from the rats. im quite morbid in how much i like things like this.

recommend some books if you want as ill be writing up some reviews if i have the time to although please no girly books. i really dont like those

happy reading

the year in pictures

i decided that i would catalogue the year 2012 in photos by taking a photo of me and the biker everyday of the year.
its something i saw on pinterest and i thought it was a great idea.
whther i will keep up at it though is anybodies guess. i have a tendency to start things but then lose interest after about a month or two. i hope i keep it up though

Remembering Jack

Today 3 years ago i lost my baby Jack. i found out Christmas day that i was pregnant and i was very happy for a week. on new years day i lost my Jack.

this time last year i was a mess. i never thought we would get to the 2 year anniversary without having another baby. but we did.

and here we are at the 3 year mark but i feel better. im focusing more on the positive things. on the fact that he was a part of me even though it was such a short time.

before i go to bed tonight i will light a candle for my baby and remember that i was happy he was there

i will not shed a tear for my Jack this year i will smile for him